Song of Heartburn

(sing to the tune of: “Battle Hymn of the Republic”)

My throat has felt the fire of the acid once again

It scored a high of nine-point-five on scale of one to ten

I know it’s bound to fade but I will guzzle milk till then

                  My heartburn rages on.

                  (chorus)

                  I’ve lost my upper gastric sphincter

                  That muscle is no more a pincher

                                    Though caffeine gets me going

                                    Now it has my food-pipe blowing

                                                      My heartburn rages on.

‘Tis the hydrochloric acid brewing deep within my gut

Seems all my favorite foods are those my doctor says to cut

Even alcohol and aspirin will dig my rut

                  Those juices swirling round

                  (chorus)

                  Give me lots of acid blockers

                  H-two stoppers are my uppers

                                    I would even eat a cork

                                    If only doing that would work

                                                      To keep the acid down